Lailatul qadar..

“Lepas basuh pinggan, ikut Abah pergi masjid,” kata Abah separuh

memerintah. Aku memandang kepada Emak. Emak angguk sahaja. Maksudnya emak
mahu aku ikut Abah solat subuh ke masjid. Jangan melawan.

Nampaknya, aku kena batalkan niat untuk sambung tarik gebar selepas
kenyang bersahur. Aku bonceng di belakang. Kami tidak pakai helmet. Kopiah
sahaja.

Ganjil. Dalam cahaya suram menjelang subuh, aku lihat kubah masjid berada
di tanah. Bukan di bumbung masjid. Ajaib.

Abah macam tidak nampak keganjilan itu. Aku cuit bahu dia dan tunjukkan ke
arah kubah yang berada di tanah. Mungkin kubah itu tengah sujud fikir aku.
“Kenapa?” tanya Abah..

“Lailatuqadar, ” kata aku dengan jari masih menunjuk kepada kubah.
“Kepala otak engkau. Berapa lama engkau tak ke masjid?”

Tidak pasal-pasal aku kena marah. Rosak pengalaman suci aku ini.

“Diorang tengah renovate masjid la. Bumbung
masjid bocor.. pasal tu kubah tu dorg angkat letak kat tanah..Bodoh, ”
sambung Abah memaki lagi.

Kalau emak ada di sini tentu dia angguk sahaja. Terima sahajalah. Jangan

melawan.

SELAMAT BERPUASA!

Dear All,

EFFECTIVE  1st of August,

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays  (except when requested to work because you are behind on your our work)

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’  category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Just for laugh.. no intimidation intended.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again,looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him,”Is something wrong?”
To which the ferocious Singh replied, ” There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!”
============ ========= ========= ========= ======

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America . A lady came  asked him, “Are you relaxing?” Singh answered, ” No, I am Banta Singh.”
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, “No No Me Banta Singh!”
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, “Are you Relaxing?” The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, “Yes, I am relaxing.”
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!”
============ ========= ========= ========= =======

A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in
education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”
2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered…
1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today andTomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it’s not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a
year?”
The Singh replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc…”
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
“Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,” he says, ” it says here, ‘Answer the following questions in brief’ ..”
============ ========= ========= ========= =========

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.
So the other asked him, “Why are you crying?” He replied, “I came here for blood test”
The second Singh asked, “So? Are you afraid ? ”
He replied, ” No, not that. During the blood test they will cut my finger”
Hearing this,   the second Singh started crying. The first one was astonished and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
To which he replied, “I have come for my urine test.”